I am generally a very open person. I am a people person. I love people! I think people are awesome! I am talkative. I am also a really fun person (generally). Because I have 3 little kids, I don’t get out all that much at night, but when I do, I am fun! I am close with my 4 adult siblings. I am close with my Mom. I have lots of people I could talk to, who love me. I have lots of girlfriends who I am really close to who would be there in a heartbeat for me if I said I needed to talk. I just have not been able to do so recently. I can’t tell them all that I am thinking and feeling, especially about how hard I think it is going to be to stop drinking wine. I am too embarrassed. I have a lot bottled up inside of me (no pun intended). I have lots of things I need to work through. I have a best friend too, my husband. I have talked with him a bit. I told him about my goals, and that I wanted to stop drinking as part of them. He is supportive. I know I can tell him anything. We have very different personalities though. He is more reserved where again I am more of an open book. But I have not been lately. I have been more like the preview page on Amazon where they let you peek inside the book without showing you the whole thing. It has been really hard lately because I have so much bottled up inside of me that I have not been able to talk about with anyone other than him. And I even hold back from him because I don’t want him to worry too much. I have told him I found an incredible amount of resources online to help me accomplish my goal of not drinking. I discovered “Unpickled” on April 2 and ever since then I have been reading numerous blogs and listening to the “Bubble Hour” and I am amazed! Then, after about 5 weeks, I finally started to take some action too. I set up a new yahoo account under the pseudonym “via” meaning “on my way.” I called this blog “Viatoday” to motivate me every day to think – “Today, I am on my way!” I posted for the first time in BFB yesterday. I was so nervous to hit send. But it felt so good to let some feelings out and share. And then I got some really helpful responses back. I started to comment on a few blogs I have been reading. I wanted to tell the writers I am encouraged by them and to encourage them at the same time. Again, it felt good to share. I have not told anyone I started this blog. I have not had the courage to change the setting on this blog from private. So right now, I am the only one who knows it exists. It is not very well-done and I don’t even think many people would read it if I changed the settings, but right now I am not ready to put this out there. I don’t know if I will ever be ready. But I am proud of myself for taking some baby steps toward getting some support and sharing with some people online who are going through this journey. And I truly feel like I can breathe better after I share a bit and hit send. It is so really helpful! It is amazing to me the community that “Unpickled” and “Mrs. D is Going Without” blogs have opened up for me. I am so touched and GRATEFUL and encouraged by others and all that they have shared and continue to share. The kindness in this online sober community is SO SO refreshing and touching!! I am feeling really motivated and it is because of people I may never meet in person, but I will forever be grateful for their example and kindness. While I have only done so minimally right now, it feels good to share. I am glad I have shared with my husband; and I am glad I am letting myself write down my feelings here and share a bit with the online community too.