It Feels Good To Share

I am generally a very open person.  I am a people person.  I love people!  I think people are awesome!   I am talkative.  I am also a really fun person (generally).  Because I have 3 little kids, I don’t get out all that much at night, but when I do, I am fun!  I am close with my 4 adult siblings.  I am close with my Mom.  I have lots of people I could talk to, who love me.  I have lots of girlfriends who I am really close to who would be there in a heartbeat for me if I said I needed to talk.  I just have not been able to do so recently.  I can’t tell them all that I am thinking and feeling, especially about how hard I think it is going to be to stop drinking wine.  I am too embarrassed.  I have a lot bottled up inside of me (no pun intended).  I have lots of things I need to work through.  I have a best friend too, my husband.  I have talked with him a bit.  I told him about my goals, and that I wanted to stop drinking as part of them.  He is supportive.  I know I can tell him anything.  We have very different personalities though.  He is more reserved where again I am more of an open book.  But I have not been lately.  I have been more like the preview page on Amazon where they let you peek inside the book without showing you the whole thing.  It has been really hard lately because I have so much bottled up inside of me that I have not been able to talk about with anyone other than him.  And I even hold back from him because I don’t want him to worry too much.  I have told him I found an incredible amount of resources online to help me accomplish my goal of not drinking.  I discovered “Unpickled” on April 2 and ever since then I have been reading numerous blogs and listening to the “Bubble Hour” and I am amazed!  Then, after about 5 weeks, I finally started to take some action too.  I set up a new yahoo account under the pseudonym “via” meaning “on my way.”  I called this blog “Viatoday” to motivate me every day to think – “Today, I am on my way!” I posted for the first time in BFB yesterday.  I was so nervous to hit send.   But it felt so good to let some feelings out and share.   And then I got some really helpful responses back.  I started to comment on a few blogs I have been reading.  I wanted to tell the writers I am encouraged by them and to encourage them at the same time.   Again, it felt good to share.  I have not told anyone I started this blog.  I have not had the courage to change the setting on this blog from private.  So right now, I am the only one who knows it exists.  It is not very well-done and I don’t even think many people would read it if I changed the settings, but right now I am not ready to put this out there.  I don’t know if I will ever be ready.  But I am proud of myself for taking some baby steps toward getting some support and sharing with some people online who are going through this journey.  And I truly feel like I can breathe better after I share a bit and hit send.  It is so really helpful!  It is amazing to me the community that “Unpickled” and “Mrs. D is Going Without” blogs have opened up for me.  I am so touched and GRATEFUL and encouraged by others and all that they have shared and continue to share.  The kindness in this online sober community is SO SO refreshing and touching!!   I am feeling really motivated and it is because of people I may never meet in person, but I will forever be grateful for their example and kindness.  While I have only done so minimally right now, it feels good to share.  I am glad I have shared with my husband; and I am glad I am letting myself write down my feelings here and share a bit with the online community too.

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